AntiRecreation · Visitor Centre

PR Department

The Department's public relations output. These are our television commercials: award-calibre, meticulously produced and, we are advised, the finest ever made for personalised prints. Each was shot on location, scored in full and cleared by Legal. They are presented here unedited, for the record.

The campaign so far

Sound on, please. Our sound designers were not cheap.

  • Commercial No. 1: The Complete Range

    All prints · 32 seconds · one take

    Our flagship film. A comprehensive tour of the entire AntiRecreation range, delivered with the restraint and gravitas the subject demands. Industry observers have described the pyrotechnics as proportionate. Includes a full safety statement, as required.

  • Commercial No. 2: The Front Page

    The Front Page print · 34 seconds · archival format

    A sober historical treatment of the Front Page print, painstakingly period-accurate down to the boffins. Our head of research asks it be noted that the weather is not included in the print. It is not.

  • Commercial No. 3: Where It Happened

    The Map print · 45 seconds · widescreen

    A feature-length trailer for a film we have not made, in support of a print we have. Contains one street, one heart and one print. Certified L for Lovely by our own certification board, which is very strict.

  • Commercial No. 4: The Family Crossword

    The Family Crossword print · 42 seconds · light entertainment

    Saturday-night light entertainment, staged in full: the clues, the tiles, the studio audience, the prize. The audience is simulated. Their enthusiasm is not.

  • Commercial No. 5: The Night the Moon Stood Still

    The Moon print · 46 seconds · black and white, then colour

    A landmark in astronomical advertising. The moon is shown exactly as it stood on the night in question, which is more than most films can say. The transition to colour was achieved at considerable expense.

  • Commercial No. 6: Naissance

    The Birth Flowers print · 45 seconds · fragrance format

    Our most beautiful film, briefly. A meditation on birth flowers in the tradition of the great perfume houses, before a member of the sales team intervened with pricing information. He has been spoken to. The information was accurate.

  • Commercial No. 7: Planet Relatives

    The Family Tree print · 49 seconds · natural history

    Filmed at dawn from a hide in Swindon by a crew who did not move for three days. A rare sighting of the family tree in its natural habitat. No grandparents were fed.

  • Commercial No. 8: The Grid

    The Word Search print · 49 seconds · thriller

    A heist picture of considerable tension. Fourteen names, one grid, and a crew who have done this before. Rated H for Hidden by the same strict board.

  • Commercial No. 9: Not Just Any Framed Print

    The Moon print · 58 seconds · fine foods

    Our most sensuous work. Every adjective in it is true, which our lawyers found disappointing. Serving suggestion: a wall.

  • Commercial No. 10: Changed My Life

    The Certificate print · 60 seconds · testimonial

    A study in restraint. No effects, no music cues, no jokes: one woman, one print, and the truth. Our research department confirms that everything that happened to her happened after she bought it.

Further commercials are in post-production. Awards are pending. The families in the films are actors and the names are invented; the prints are not. Broadcast enquiries to the usual hatch.